You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
