How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
