we have officially lost it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're like the curious george of whores
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
