I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
