There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
