Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
