remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
