did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it glows. i had to have it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
