we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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