I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
