So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I love you.
Bad choice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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