We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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