They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
