There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
