I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
