are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
