Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
