...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
