What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
