make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize