Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
