dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize