Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
