You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
