she was so not down for the gang bang
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
