Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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