So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
