I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
