they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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