I just cut my nipple shaving
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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