You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
