their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
