"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
