yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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