If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
