Your face is a jimmy john
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize