We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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