Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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