I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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