Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
