It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
