and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize