i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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