I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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