At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
