Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bring me that man meat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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