I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
