Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
