i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
