Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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