What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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