I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
