I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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