SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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