Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
