Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
