You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
