The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
