I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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