Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
