It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize