if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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