Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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