did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
