and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
